I officially haven't written in here in forever.

That's right, forever.

I have had an interesting, difficult, confusing past three months. I still have no idea where God is leading me.

But in the meantime, while I wait and pray for His divine hand to comfort me as I feel like I'm being led into the wilderness, I am learning about grace.

Mostly, how to show grace to others.

I guess I wasn't always good at this, and I still sometimes need a kick in the pants on this topic. But a few weeks ago, I really got to put this into practice. I was incredibly hurt by a lie that came from someone I deeply cared about. And no matter how much this person was remorseful over having lied to me, every inch of me said, "Alicia, you can no longer trust them. You can't let them into your life anymore. Just forget about it. Just leave them. You can't let them in anymore - they will only hurt you in the end."

And let me tell you, I was so tempted to listen to that little voice.

And then, someone else slapped me in the face with the Gospel, and reminded me that "Alicia, you need to forgive. As Christians, we don't get the option of not forgiving."

Sure, sin hurts and the repercussions are incredibly damaging, but Jesus didn't say, "Forgive others unless they've really hurt you." He calls us to model Christ. He calls us to LIVE the Gospel.

So I lived the Gospel. I forgave. Through my pain, through the battle in my mind, I forgave and decided to move on. To move forward.

And since that decision, it has meant letting go of bitterness, choosing to not dwell or not think about the repentant sin. It has also meant never bringing it up again and never holding it over their head.

Because Jesus didn't die and then hold all our sins over our heads. He doesn't shove our sin in our faces and remind us of how we've failed. No. The devil does that. And I will not let the devil have any sort of foothold in any of my relationships.

Live out the Gospel. Practice grace.

Two posts within minutes of each other?

How about a little update on my journey with grace?

The other day I was reading Acts 10 and was floored when I came to this verse:

25When Peter entered, Cornelius met him and fell down at his feet and worshiped him. 26But Peter lifted him up, saying, “Stand up; I too am a man.”

Now, I could obviously spend time talking about how this is amazing because we shouldn't make other people idols and no one can be Christ for us and blah blah blah, but I want to focus on the other side of this....

I sin. I too am a man. I am not perfect. I too am a man. I am NOT Christ. I too am a man.


In fact, we are all men. We are all sinners.

So why are we surprised when we sin against each other? Why do I hear so many Christians(!) talking about other Christians(!!) and their sins, and how they were hurt, and how "well that was such an unChristlike thing to do."
Well, obviously. Because, surprise!: We are not Christ. No one else can be Christ for us. Only Christ can. Stop expecting others to be perfect! Stop slapping grace in the face!

[Side note: this does not mean that we should excuse unrepentant sin. That's a whole 'nother topic.]


As Christians, we still sometimes get angry and feel offended and end friendships and relationships because of it. Do we not understand the dire situation we are in, our incredible sinful state, in which our indwelling sin hates our Savior and hates showing His love and truth?

I am learning to live in grace to others. Not get angry when they sin against me. If anything, I will hate that they have sinned against a perfect, holy and beautiful Lord. But not against me. I am nothing. I am no one. As Peter said to Cornelius, “I too am a man.”

A City Not Forsaken.

There are days,
moments,
hours,
I have to remind myself of a simple Truth:

God is not absent.

Was He absent when the Israelites were wandering? Was He absent when Joseph was in prison? Was He absent when Jesus was sweating blood in the garden? Was He absent when Peter denied Him not once, not twice, but THREE times?

Was He absent when His Son died on the Cross because of MY sins? Was He?

He is not absent. He has not forsaken me, He has not forgotten me. I could quote many, so many verses right now, but honestly, I just want to marinate in that Truth.
He is not absent. 

I will be A City Not Forsaken. Greater things are still to be done in this city.


 (Thanks, Alece, for reminding me of this in a post of yours).

Acts.

I am reading Acts, and I absolutely love it. I love reading the beginning of the early church. I love following the struggles and the amazing things that God did in their midst. I love feeling as though I am hearing the commotion after Christ ascended.. the excitement, the sense of Truth, the love and passion for Him. Love and passion I so desire for the church today.


I was reading Acts 4 last night, and read this verse:

    [13] Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated, common men, they were astonished. And they recognized that they had been with Jesus.
(Acts 4:13 ESV)

Okay. Now this may seem normal to everyone. But I read this and it blew my mind.
Because they had been with Jesus.

I know, whatever, right, we knew they had been with Jesus, they were disciples, not a big deal, blahdeblahdeblah.

But no. They had been with the SON OF GOD.
God Himself. God in the flesh. God. God walking the earth. God breathing and preaching and healing and praying and GOD. 
God walked the earth and these men hung out with Him, just chilling, for three years. 

Does this not blow anyone else's mind? Imagine that, if Jesus were walking in the flesh today, and we just got to spend three years learning straight from Jesus. Not from His words written on the page, not from the Holy Spirit leading us every so slightly in one way or another and we say "Oh Jesus wants me to do this or that..".. no.. Jesus. Walking with God. With Him. For three years. Constantly. In the flesh. Seeing Him die on the cross. Then feeling the immense joy and awe after He rose again. Watching Him ascend. Dying for the Truth. 

Walking with God in the flesh. 
Anyone else with me on how amazing that is?

I am sorry,

blogspot,
but I need to take a break.

I don't know what God is doing right now, and I need to sit and be with Him and figure it out.

I have never been so terrified, unsettled, and lost in my entire life.

I covet your prayers.

Once again..

I have been seriously lacking in writing in here. I think part of it is because I feel like the thoughts I put here need to be neat and composed and packaged so that it doesn't show any of my constant wondering and overthinking about what I'm thinking.

One thing the Lord has truly been showing me recently (not in my reading of Leviticus - although I am actually learning from that) is the importance of Christian community. The body of Christ. Not just for serving in different ways in the church and in the community, but to show Christ's redemptive love to each other, to push us towards growth and encourage us in sanctification, and to show others the gospel.

What better way to show others the gospel than to live the gospel? In a society where people are selfish and use others as either a way for personal gain or a hindrance to that goal (thank you Paul Tripp for that quote), what could better proclaim the life-altering love of Christ by letting others see how it affects your daily interactions?

Since I have been reading "How People Change" by Paul Tripp and really thinking about Christian community, I have noticed more and more where the Word calls us to community. It's everywhere. [Now that I just wrote that, I tried to look up references and can't pinpoint them. Oh blog fail.]

But every time I read "you together with all the saints" or "confess to one another" or "pray for one another" or "encourage one another" or "edify one another" or "spur one another on towards love and good deeds" etc etc etc all I think is that THIS is what God wants - He wants us to be in COMMUNITY - our relationship with Christ shouldn't be a secret, individual, in-your-own-mind thing. It is a calling to be part of a bigger picture, to show the gospel and practice Christ's love through loving others.

So how is your Christian community?

Dear blogspot,

I am sorry for my lack of writing lately.

The Holy Spirit is doing some big things in my life, and others around me, and I haven't had time to process it yet.

So that being said... there are many ways recently that I realize I am growing.

So tell me, blogspot friends, where do you see growth in your life? How are you different from a year ago?