But if not...

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego answered and said to the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter. If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.”

(Daniel 3:16-18 ESV)

But if not.

I think those are some of the most powerful words in this passage. "Our God will deliver us out of your hand...But if not.."

That is one of the most amazing sentences to me. These men had such faith that God could, and WOULD deliver them from the furnace, but even if he didn't, they would still worship Him. They would still love Him. They would never forsake the true God.

It shows a contrast to some sects of Christianity today -how so many Christians today can be leaning towards the prosperity gospel, that false gospel that promises health and wealth if you are a Christian.

I pray that we will always live in the "But if not." That we would love our God so much to trust that no matter what happens, good or bad, He is continuing His work of sanctification for HIS glory, however He sees fit to do it.

Lack of insight?

I tend to not post in this blog unless I feel like what I have to write sounds incredibly insightful.

I have another blog, one that I fill with last minute thoughts on faith as they run through my mind, an ever flowing stream of consciousness in more verse than prose. I let it show the less "scholarly" side of me, and reveal the right-brain side of me. The pouring forth of thoughts, with metaphors a blog long that probably only I can pick out.

This post, I guess, will combine the two. I haven't written in here for a while because I feel as though in order to write in this blog, I need to form my thoughts in such a way as to make an article.

In this post, instead, I will attempt at saying what I have learned lately.

• I recently finished a book on Biblical Hospitality. An incredible convicting book looking at the command for us to be hospitable, the characteristics of a hospitable person, and how to live in order to anticipate hospitality. It has sparked in me a passion for more fellowship with unbelievers and strangers! What an exciting time.. and yet, I could still do so much better.
• I desire so strongly to make disciples, and yet I know I am not. I miss being so in love with Christ that the passion overtook my everyday thoughts and I couldn't help but spill over into others, making disciples as I grew in excitement over my walk with Christ. Now, I feel as though I have been getting weary in well-doing, as Martin Lloyd-Jones would say. I just pray that He is working through me, sanctifying me in this time so that as others come alongside me I may reach out to others as well.
• I have been convicted and repenting lately of lots of bitterness in my life towards those around me. Praise the Lord for giving me grace in this area, as well as patience as He waited for me to realize my sin and confess to others in order to reconcile! 
• As a side note - a recent conference I attended, with Dr. Stephen Um giving a talk on Gospel-Shaped Community, reminded me of the incredible grace that Christ has showed us. He mentioned that Christ reconciled with us when we were unwilling to reconcile. How incredible is that?! Imagine, someone in our lives unwilling to repent, sinning towards us still, continuing to hurt us, and we giving them such a great gift of forgiveness when they don't care and don't even want it. But that is what Christ did! So that is what we can do for others.
• My incredible husband has showed me daily what true grace and love is. What a gift and blessing he is, daily. Thank you, Vova, for being such a vessel of mercy to me. You are a wonderful man.

As I look over this post, I know that many may not read it, or find any sort of encouragement in it, but as I say at the top of this page - I am looking to grow in grace daily. And I think Christ is using each of these things to help me. I don't have the ability right now to make this more intelligible, so I hope this is helpful. 

In Him,

Alicia

Sharing the Gospel

I have been listening to a sermon series this week about Missions. *Note: that link goes to the last sermon I listened to. The series is called "The Great Cause."

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about the people I come into contact with every day. I think I spend so much time thinking about how to share the Gospel with them, that I just don't. Chandler puts it in such a great way - "You know this has to happen, so how do you want to do this?" (to his unbelieving friends).

As Christians, we do tend to want to serve instead of speak, to give instead of preach Truth, to do anything that makes us feel like we have fulfilled our "Christian duties" instead of actually tell people they are heading in the wrong direction. Or they are just completely off the path!

I want my life to be so filled with Christ that I can't help but share the Gospel with others. The truth that we are all sinners, separated from God and bent towards folly. That we are not able to fix this ourselves - nothing we can do can make us right with God. That basically, we are screwed. But GOD, being rich in mercy, sent His son to die in our place as an atoning sacrifice for that sin. But it doesn't stop there - the slate isn't only wiped clean (as my small group talked about last night,) but Christ imputes His righteousness on us! God sees us as blameless before Him because of Christ! How incredible is that?

I want to spend my life loving others because of His love for me and because I recognize it. I want my life to be about encouraging others to point them to Christ. Sometimes, I just feel like I am failing all the time.

Lord, help me to love others. Help me to serve others, and to speak the Truth to others. And sanctify me. Sanctify me, sanctify me, sanctify me...

And this is what grace is.

A lot has happened in a year.

Someday, some day, I will write a nice long post (or perhaps a book) of how I was led in the wilderness last year by my loving Lord to learn how to stand on my own two feet in my faith walk, and not anyone else's. I will write a nice long post about the grace I found in that, and the strength that He gave me. I will write how I was a City not Forsaken, and how He did not forsake the work of His hands.

But today, my post is not about my trials last year. My post is not about what I learned, or how He carried me through. My post is not about the fears I experienced, the anxiety attacks, the loss of faith, the painful aching doubt. My post is not how He was glorified through it (and, like Job, do I even know how He was?).



My post now is about my wonderful new marriage.

About a month and a half ago, I married the most wonderful man I have ever met. I think back to the night before the wedding, the excitement. I think to the wedding day, waking up with butterflies in my stomach, sure I was going to not be able to make it through the whole day. I smile remembering the notes, the cards, the hugs, the prayers, from some of the most amazing people I have ever met. I think about that wonderful day - the great memories I have, our desire to honor Christ in all of it, and how every inch of that day was bathed in prayer, from minutes before walking down the aisle to praying during the reception as we snuck off into the vineyards and apple trees and came before God in prayer as the dancing started. Never have I gotten such an incredible response from people who don't even know Christ about how they saw Him in this day. And that was all we wanted. For those who didn't know Him to see Him, and for those who do know Him to remember Him all the more.

But even more so,  since then I am learning what marriage truly is. It is not gushy and lovesick infatuation; marriage is not about cuddling and public displays of affections. It is not about taking vacations together and sleeping in the same bed. It's not even about sex. Everything I have mentioned can be parts of marriage, but now I am learning what marriage truly is about in such a tangible way.

Marriage is about grace. The gorgeous picture of Christ and His bride, the Church, is shown through the fact that my husband and I are both sinners. Although Christ has saved us, we still struggle in this fallen body, this sinful flesh, as we are being sanctified. We sin against each other more often than not, as we have had 20+ years of practice living for ourselves in a living-single mindset, and under two months of practice living for each other selflessly!

But each time we sin, we can look to the Cross, where our sins were forgiven. We can see the Son of God nailed to a tree, the most disgraceful disgusting way to be executed, cursed willingly in order that we may have a relationship with the Father. We can see this amazing display of love, mercy, and grace, and forgive each other. As we are forgiven, we can extend that to each other. And, what's more, we can pray for each other! What a privilege! And pray WITH each other! What a beautiful thing to be able to do... to show the image of Christ and the Church through grace, mercy, forgiveness.


I am not an expert. And more often than not, I sin against my husband. In fact, I will say I probably sin more than he does! I am selfish, I get angry, I am a sinner to the utmost degree. But my Savior, my sweet beautiful merciful Savior, He has saved me. He is making me new.


And marriage reminds me of this all the more.

I officially haven't written in here in forever.

That's right, forever.

I have had an interesting, difficult, confusing past three months. I still have no idea where God is leading me.

But in the meantime, while I wait and pray for His divine hand to comfort me as I feel like I'm being led into the wilderness, I am learning about grace.

Mostly, how to show grace to others.

I guess I wasn't always good at this, and I still sometimes need a kick in the pants on this topic. But a few weeks ago, I really got to put this into practice. I was incredibly hurt by a lie that came from someone I deeply cared about. And no matter how much this person was remorseful over having lied to me, every inch of me said, "Alicia, you can no longer trust them. You can't let them into your life anymore. Just forget about it. Just leave them. You can't let them in anymore - they will only hurt you in the end."

And let me tell you, I was so tempted to listen to that little voice.

And then, someone else slapped me in the face with the Gospel, and reminded me that "Alicia, you need to forgive. As Christians, we don't get the option of not forgiving."

Sure, sin hurts and the repercussions are incredibly damaging, but Jesus didn't say, "Forgive others unless they've really hurt you." He calls us to model Christ. He calls us to LIVE the Gospel.

So I lived the Gospel. I forgave. Through my pain, through the battle in my mind, I forgave and decided to move on. To move forward.

And since that decision, it has meant letting go of bitterness, choosing to not dwell or not think about the repentant sin. It has also meant never bringing it up again and never holding it over their head.

Because Jesus didn't die and then hold all our sins over our heads. He doesn't shove our sin in our faces and remind us of how we've failed. No. The devil does that. And I will not let the devil have any sort of foothold in any of my relationships.

Live out the Gospel. Practice grace.

Two posts within minutes of each other?

How about a little update on my journey with grace?

The other day I was reading Acts 10 and was floored when I came to this verse:

25When Peter entered, Cornelius met him and fell down at his feet and worshiped him. 26But Peter lifted him up, saying, “Stand up; I too am a man.”

Now, I could obviously spend time talking about how this is amazing because we shouldn't make other people idols and no one can be Christ for us and blah blah blah, but I want to focus on the other side of this....

I sin. I too am a man. I am not perfect. I too am a man. I am NOT Christ. I too am a man.


In fact, we are all men. We are all sinners.

So why are we surprised when we sin against each other? Why do I hear so many Christians(!) talking about other Christians(!!) and their sins, and how they were hurt, and how "well that was such an unChristlike thing to do."
Well, obviously. Because, surprise!: We are not Christ. No one else can be Christ for us. Only Christ can. Stop expecting others to be perfect! Stop slapping grace in the face!

[Side note: this does not mean that we should excuse unrepentant sin. That's a whole 'nother topic.]


As Christians, we still sometimes get angry and feel offended and end friendships and relationships because of it. Do we not understand the dire situation we are in, our incredible sinful state, in which our indwelling sin hates our Savior and hates showing His love and truth?

I am learning to live in grace to others. Not get angry when they sin against me. If anything, I will hate that they have sinned against a perfect, holy and beautiful Lord. But not against me. I am nothing. I am no one. As Peter said to Cornelius, “I too am a man.”

A City Not Forsaken.

There are days,
moments,
hours,
I have to remind myself of a simple Truth:

God is not absent.

Was He absent when the Israelites were wandering? Was He absent when Joseph was in prison? Was He absent when Jesus was sweating blood in the garden? Was He absent when Peter denied Him not once, not twice, but THREE times?

Was He absent when His Son died on the Cross because of MY sins? Was He?

He is not absent. He has not forsaken me, He has not forgotten me. I could quote many, so many verses right now, but honestly, I just want to marinate in that Truth.
He is not absent. 

I will be A City Not Forsaken. Greater things are still to be done in this city.


 (Thanks, Alece, for reminding me of this in a post of yours).

Acts.

I am reading Acts, and I absolutely love it. I love reading the beginning of the early church. I love following the struggles and the amazing things that God did in their midst. I love feeling as though I am hearing the commotion after Christ ascended.. the excitement, the sense of Truth, the love and passion for Him. Love and passion I so desire for the church today.


I was reading Acts 4 last night, and read this verse:

    [13] Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated, common men, they were astonished. And they recognized that they had been with Jesus.
(Acts 4:13 ESV)

Okay. Now this may seem normal to everyone. But I read this and it blew my mind.
Because they had been with Jesus.

I know, whatever, right, we knew they had been with Jesus, they were disciples, not a big deal, blahdeblahdeblah.

But no. They had been with the SON OF GOD.
God Himself. God in the flesh. God. God walking the earth. God breathing and preaching and healing and praying and GOD. 
God walked the earth and these men hung out with Him, just chilling, for three years. 

Does this not blow anyone else's mind? Imagine that, if Jesus were walking in the flesh today, and we just got to spend three years learning straight from Jesus. Not from His words written on the page, not from the Holy Spirit leading us every so slightly in one way or another and we say "Oh Jesus wants me to do this or that..".. no.. Jesus. Walking with God. With Him. For three years. Constantly. In the flesh. Seeing Him die on the cross. Then feeling the immense joy and awe after He rose again. Watching Him ascend. Dying for the Truth. 

Walking with God in the flesh. 
Anyone else with me on how amazing that is?

I am sorry,

blogspot,
but I need to take a break.

I don't know what God is doing right now, and I need to sit and be with Him and figure it out.

I have never been so terrified, unsettled, and lost in my entire life.

I covet your prayers.

Once again..

I have been seriously lacking in writing in here. I think part of it is because I feel like the thoughts I put here need to be neat and composed and packaged so that it doesn't show any of my constant wondering and overthinking about what I'm thinking.

One thing the Lord has truly been showing me recently (not in my reading of Leviticus - although I am actually learning from that) is the importance of Christian community. The body of Christ. Not just for serving in different ways in the church and in the community, but to show Christ's redemptive love to each other, to push us towards growth and encourage us in sanctification, and to show others the gospel.

What better way to show others the gospel than to live the gospel? In a society where people are selfish and use others as either a way for personal gain or a hindrance to that goal (thank you Paul Tripp for that quote), what could better proclaim the life-altering love of Christ by letting others see how it affects your daily interactions?

Since I have been reading "How People Change" by Paul Tripp and really thinking about Christian community, I have noticed more and more where the Word calls us to community. It's everywhere. [Now that I just wrote that, I tried to look up references and can't pinpoint them. Oh blog fail.]

But every time I read "you together with all the saints" or "confess to one another" or "pray for one another" or "encourage one another" or "edify one another" or "spur one another on towards love and good deeds" etc etc etc all I think is that THIS is what God wants - He wants us to be in COMMUNITY - our relationship with Christ shouldn't be a secret, individual, in-your-own-mind thing. It is a calling to be part of a bigger picture, to show the gospel and practice Christ's love through loving others.

So how is your Christian community?

Dear blogspot,

I am sorry for my lack of writing lately.

The Holy Spirit is doing some big things in my life, and others around me, and I haven't had time to process it yet.

So that being said... there are many ways recently that I realize I am growing.

So tell me, blogspot friends, where do you see growth in your life? How are you different from a year ago?

Another thing about me...

So, I am a verbal processor.

The way I work through things is hearing them out loud, saying whatever comes to mind and different ways various ideas could be brought to a logical completion.
It's how I roll.

If I don't process verbally, I often get stuck inside my head and my mind spirals out of control.

Luckily, my friends know this about me, and allow me plenty of processing time. I love them for this.

But one thing I have also been working on for about a year now is allowing Christ to be my Wise Counselor first and foremost above anyone else. To sit down and pray and talk to HIM instead of grabbing the phone to talk to [friend, family member, random-person-who-will-listen]...

How am I doing at it? Well.. not always so great. But I always feel so much more whole, fulfilled, when He is the One I go to - prayer and His Word.

Just my thoughts for today. .... processing some things. ;)

The shift.

I think this shift of grace is affecting me more than I realize.

The shift that reminds me that no matter what I do, it is not by me, it is not for me, and it is for the purpose to bring glory to Him.

The shift that the other followers around me are precious in His sight, and He desires their wayward hearts as much as He desires mine.

The shift that everyone needs Jesus, and no matter what, we will never stop needing Jesus. Never.

It is beautiful to let these realizations soften your heart in love for one another, for Him, and allow it to awaken the desire to continually share this amazing Truth with others. And as He truly changes your heart and regenerates your soul, you desire Truth in your own life - reading the Word, knowing Him, being near to Him.

He is the Way, the Truth, the Life. Praise Him.

"Keep me every mindful of my natural state, but let me not forget my heavenly title, or the grace that can deal with every sin." -The Valley of Vision

Steadfast love.

I love when I feel convicted. I'm not sure if that's normal, or if everyone does, but I love it. I love that feeling of disappointment and frustration at what I'm doing. Because it ultimately drives me to prayer, to Christ, and to change.
 
This morning I was reading Exodus 20, and every single time I would read a commandment, I would just stop and pray. Dear Lord, I'm sorry for the times that I have put others in front of you and made them idols in my life. Thank you for your grace.  or Lord I'm sorry for any time I have been angry or hated someone that You have created.. I know this is like murder in your eyes.  Etc., and so on.

It's so nice to be able to step back and see the steadfast love of the Lord. If someone hurt me as many times as I hurt my Savior, I don't think I would stick by them for very long. If someone was constantly rejecting me and telling me by their actions that other things tend to be more pleasurable at the time and that amazing works I had made, like artwork all around, didn't really have any importance or significance, I would probably stop being so fond of that person.

But God doesn't do that. Praise the Lord. Because I fail. And I'm still learning. And I need Jesus, day in and day out.
Thank you, Lord, for Your sacrifice.

Hey all..

So, I revamped my last post just a tiny bit. I added in a bit more detail, because I didn't think it was fair being vague on such a topic.
Feel free to check it out again here.

My ring.

In August 2009, I bought a wedding band from Kay Jewelers.
Weird for a single, college-age girl, right?

My wedding band

Psalm 61

I used to wear it on my left hand, until all my students started asking who I was married to. Well, I'm not married to anyone. So I switched it to my right hand.

Now here's the story...

I used to struggle a lot with my relationship with Christ. I put friends, boyfriends, even developing friendships in front of my time with my Savior.
In June 2009, I had my heart [semi] broken by an "almost" relationship. Even though the "almost" was there, the pain was real, although not as sharp as it could have been. After looking long and hard at why I was hurting so much, I saw that I was finding my identity in these relationships around me, particularly with guys.

So one day I heard a song my pastor from my old church wrote, called Psalm 61... and it said "When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I." (No, this is not the same "Lead me to the Rock"). I heard it and I started crying... not out of my pain, but because I realized that when my heart got overwhelmed by these emotions, I didn't turn to Christ like I should.. not only that, but Christ should be the only one controlling my heart and having His hand on it.

So I made a decision. I bought a wedding band, had it engraved "Psalm 61," and put it on to remind myself that my relationship with Christ comes first. I am in a relationship Christ above all else. Above some guy who I think is cute. Above my best friend. Even above my family. First and foremost, it is Christ.

The Holy Spirit has used this ring to bring me back to reality a few times. Praise the Lord.

Psalm 61

To the choirmaster: with stringed instruments. Of David.

61:1 Hear my cry, O God,
listen to my prayer;
2 from the end of the earth I call to you
when my heart is faint.
Lead me to the rock
that is higher than I,
3 for you have been my refuge,
a strong tower against the enemy.

4 Let me dwell in your tent forever!
Let me take refuge under the shelter of your wings! Selah
5 For you, O God, have heard my vows;
you have given me the heritage of those who fear your name.

6 Prolong the life of the king;
may his years endure to all generations!
7 May he be enthroned forever before God;
appoint steadfast love and faithfulness to watch over him!

8 So will I ever sing praises to your name,
as I perform my vows day after day.

Grace in my friendships, always.

I love my friends.

Let me repeat, because I want you all to fully understand: I love my friends.

The people God places in your life to push you, encourage you, pray with you, be with you through important moments. The people God places in your life that help you to grow.

I have found some amazing friends over the past few months, people that I thank God for daily.

Up front, I want to let everyone know that I am flawed beyond belief. I am not a perfect friend. I am not the best representation of Christ at any moment in any relationship. I fail, I hurt, I fall, I crawl back on my hands and knees and beg for grace. 

I am so thankful to have the kinds of friends who give me grace in my relationship with them.

Tonight, I needed grace in one of my friendships. I made a joke that didn't work quite well, which then led to some weird tension. I spent the next hour praying by myself, wondering what to do. I knew I couldn't fix it - usually me trying to do so makes things worse. I knew only the Lord could.
The only thing I kept thinking was Lord, I don't want to lose these friends. I don't want anything to change. They mean so much to me. Do whatever will most glorify You - but please Lord, glorify Your name by letting this friendship get over this bump! 

Now I don't know if that prayer was okay to pray - I know that our prayers should always be "Your will be done" - but how many times in Scripture did a prophet or even just layperson pray and pray that God would show them favor in a certain battle, relationship, with wisdom, in decision making, etc? So I prayed that God's grace would extend to this friendship. To these friendships.

Then, I prayed God would give me words, and I went out into the hall. And promptly sternly told the other people why I was still their friend, and why I was fighting to keep the friendship.
And everything was okay. I'm sure I scared them a bit (I have never talked to them sternly before). I'm sure they were a bit confused. But then we finished the night by hanging out for another hour and just talking. Fellowship. Spending time together.

God is so good. I thank God for these friendships because they allow me to grow in Christ. I thank Him for friends that I admire so much, who I can see Christ in. You all out there - if you don't have friends who show you Christ day in and day out,  you don't know what you're missing. Christ made us relational beings so that there will be representations of His love on earth.

Right now, I thank the Lord for my good friends. I thank the Lord for a great ski trip with 6 of them, for some awesome time praying and talking about Jesus and cooking and just hanging out laughing, making up beds and looking at pictures.

Praise the Lord for friends.

Two of my roommates.. I love them.

Me in the middle of my roommate and a good friend.

Some questions.

I have never done this, really, and I thought I would make this a little interesting.
I highly, highly doubt anyone will comment.

But-
1) What is your OneWord2011?
2) How was your January?
3) What's the weather like where you are?
4) Dog or cat?

But if we have not love, we have nothing.

What is grace, but God showing His incredible love for us?
I think about His love and it changes my heart, my mind, my thoughts, my actions, my life.

I am the kind of person that focuses on the knowledge. I love knowing. I love memorizing. I love being able to figure out historical and theological points in Scripture, and knowing how to answer questions from Scripture. I love putting pieces of a puzzle together. I like having things organized in my mind and feeling like something is accomplished.

Lately, though, in my walk with grace, I remember that this is not everything. This is really not anything. And I felt a tug recently to open up to 1 Corinthians 13. A must-read passage, one that I often think of as cliche and corny.
..until I looked again.

[The Way of Love]
    [13:1] If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. [2] And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. [3] If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Pause.  What? What? Let me get this straight. I can be filled with every knowledge of the Bible. I can know theology inside and out. I could have every single verse memorized to spout off in any occasion. I could even have enough faith to trust the Lord in EVERY situation, never question Him, never worry about anything, and even move mountains. In fact, I could even be murdered for my faith. But if none of that is rooted in a love of Christ that reaches out to others, it means nothing.

...... Can we just stop and think about that for a second??
I tend to think that my Christian walk is going okay when I am truly studying the Word, truly living in faith. When I trust the Lord. This passage is telling me that no, that means nothing if it is not backed by a sincere love. And this, my friends, is where I can struggle. I so often do not show love very well.

So, thank goodness the passage continues to show what love is:

    [4] Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant [5] or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; [6] it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. [7] Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

How does Alicia fail? Oh let me count the ways...
But seriously. I am probably one of the least patient people at times. I can be incredibly irritable when I am in stressful situations, and it shows to everyone around me. I try to be kind, and I try not to be arrogant or rude, to envy or boast, but there are times when this sinful side of me comes up. I can envy others' friendships or even their faith. I can even let that envy lead to bitterness and resentfulness (failure, according to this passage!).
This is not love. And as the Bible says, this must show the abundance of my heart. My sinful nature. That the Holy Spirit has so much work to do in me yet.

What is love SUPPOSED to do? Bear, believe, hope, endure. Bear all the pain of my situation, believe that the Lord is working in others lives as well as mine, hope for the future salvation and sanctification, and endure because Christ endured.

And to sum it up....

    [8] Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. [9] For we know in part and we prophesy in part, [10] but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. [11] When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. [12] For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
    [13] So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
(1 Corinthians 13 ESV)

Knowledge will pass away. All these things that man finds such power and strength in, find comfort in - they will be gone. But love? Love will stay. Christ's love. The love we show to others in showing them the gospel. The love of the Kingdom.

This is where my grace needs to lead me this year.

"So it was not you who sent me here, but God."

I am still in Genesis, trucking along. In 2010 I was already done with Exodus at this point of the year... but this year I am taking my time and really trying to see what I can learn from what I'm reading.
Praise the Lord.. seriously..  He has been so gracious in helping me with that!

Today I read Genesis 43-45. It is the story of Joseph seeing his brothers again for the first time he was sold into slavery in Egypt. One of my favorite part comes in chapter 25:

"And now do not be distressed or angry with yourselves because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life. For the famine has been in the land these two years, and there are yet five years in which there will be neither plowing nor harvest. And God sent me before you to preserve for you a remnant on earth, and to keep alive for you many survivors. So it was not you who sent me here, but God." - verses 5-8a

 Three times, Joseph gives them grace by saying "Listen, brothers, don't blame yourselves -- you didn't send me here, GOD did." This truly was grace for them to hear it, but also, wow, it shows God's grace that He opened Joseph's eyes to see His plan and His sovereignty.

 How many times do I forget that it wasn't such-and-such of a circumstance that got me here, but it was God's sovereignty? Yeah, a year of lots of random happenings, some painful, a lot joyful, but all grace-filled, beautiful examples of God's sovereignty.

I still feel like I'm in the thick of it. I still have no idea where this crazy plan God has is going to take me. But I have to keep reminding myself:
God sent me here.